Well I've just found out that one of my friends whose baby is the same age as L is pregnant again............and I'm jealous!
I don't no whether its because L is coming to the end of the 'baby' stage or because I feel like I missed out with J but I really think I want another baby?
I miss being pregnant, I miss growing life and I miss feeling special.
I love babies and I want to do it again, having L was one of the happiest times in my life and I regret that I didn't have the same experience with J. When J came home I was so screwed up by the whole experience I couldn't enjoy anything, I was empty and missed out on so much. I spent so long preparing for the worst,not letting myself get to close, feeling like he wasn't my baby that when he came home I had to learn to love to love him.
With L there was love instantly, its been easy and I've enjoyed watching him grow.
It makes me sad that this might be it........no more babies :(